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Miasma

I was somehow enjoying this miasma of meanness and feeling all my feelings - on the OUTSIDE. I had reverted to toddlerdom. Ugly but true. It rarely happens, but when it does, it is a full show; nothing held back...I had to apologize to my husband and my precious 5 year old daughter for partnering with anger, frustration and irritation. #lovelyday

I had to repent.

Again.

I had to apologize to my husband and my precious 5 year old daughter for partnering with anger, frustration and irritation... and making their lives awful for several hours.


You see, our state’s governor issued ANOTHER lockdown. Yes, for a region that hasn’t surpassed a 2 on the ‘Rona scale since this thing started we are back at nearly 0. For a mom with a young child, in NOVEMBER, in the PACIFIC NORTHWEST (read: rainy, damp, cold, limited outside play) it is HORRIBLE.

I spent several hours of awfuldom in my head playing out scenarios AND responding to one cancellation after another then rearranging our calendar. I was beyond, beyond, frustrated.

Then a dear friend called, in tears, she was facing the same thing - but with four kids (mostly teenagers). We consoled each other - and she asked me “Wasn’t there 15 minutes where you could have secluded away to reset yourself?”


I immediately answered “No...” but in my heart of hearts, I knew, I KNEW I could have gotten away but I was somehow enjoying this miasma of meanness and feeling all my feelings - on the OUTSIDE. I had reverted to toddlerdom. Ugly but true. It rarely happens, but when it does, it is a full show; nothing held back.

I repented to God. I repented to Joe. And the next morning I repented to Emily for my horrible behavior and attitude.


As the week wore on, it was rough, but not as horrible as all the scenes in my mind. I “got a grip,” pulled up my proverbial boots and kept calm as I carried on.... as did millions of other moms.


How are you handling the restrictions? The governmental mandates? How are you staying positive and upbeat? How are you enacting change? Some days I find it incredibly difficult, I feel so many oppressive forces, stricture, limits. Some days I feel like screaming “NO!” but donn my mask, go grocery shopping and make eye contact “smiling” at as many people as I can. What are your strategies?


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